Nine months ago I got into a relationship because I felt completely alone.
I looked at my loneliness as this big black cloud constantly raining over me. I so desperately wanted it to be sunny, that I settled for an unhealthy relationship. Because of my loneliness and the fear of being alone again, I settled. I settled for a relationship that I thought made me happy. It gave me a false perception of happiness. It filled me with temporary happiness.
I endured so much pain in that relationship but stayed with him because I was so afraid of that dark cloud raining on me again. But what I didn’t realize was that there was an even larger cloud forming over me. That relationship was so toxic, but I was blinded by my fear of being alone, that I could not see it.
Being in Thailand and traveling has given me a lot of time to think and process the last few years of my life. I am no longer afraid to be alone. I yearn for these moments where I can reflect and understand myself. I want to understand that the loneliness is not a dark cloud following me around. Loneliness is being comfortable with yourself and embracing you for who you are.
We must not let the fear of being alone force us to settle for unhealthy relationships.